"Deliver Me From Me"

I had to make a choice.I was sick and tired of being sick and tired. I could not continue to give myself away. I was looking for love in all the wrong places, probably because I was not brought up by my father so I was searching for some semblance of a male figure and some male energy in my life. I am a cold turkey kind of person so once I made up my mind it was a done deal! The first thing I did was get rid of the condoms and any other sexual aids like enhancement jellies, creams and oils. Everything had to go. Then I stopped watching any television, videos or movies that demonstrated sexual acts or sensual innuendoes. Even the sounds and lyrics in certain songs will slowly but surely cause you to wanna take your clothes off... many of my old CDs had to be discarded. Even sad love songs that reminded me of the good old days had to be thrown out. I turned off the radio in my car completely. Books had to go! I am such an avid reader, but some of my little instructional books and hot romance novels had to go! Certain fashion magazines had to go. The ones where the front cover says: 101 ways to please your lover, how to not get caught cheating, how to be sexier, the sexiest lingerie this season, spicy couples...naughty and nice, secrets, lies and confessions, do you have a hot body? Is he a one-night stand man? How to be a man magnet and your best love horoscope ever. These magazines looked so pretty on the outside and were right there at the cash register for easy purchasing. I would buy them for the fashion or to read about the cover girl but look what I got instead! There was absolutely nothing in these magazines that was preparing me for marriage. What was I thinking?! I wasn't!

Let's see, what else. Oh! I had to get rid of all old love letters and old pictures. These old boyfriends were out of my life, so what did I need their pictures for! HELLO! I mean I went through all of my old albums and got busy. Old cards had to be thrown away...I did not open them...I just ripped them up and threw them out! Any colognes or perfumes that brought about memories or old emotions had to go. It's not that I did not like my ex's as all of them were extremely nice to me, but  I had to do this for me! This was about a new commitment in my life, it was a major decision...one that I took, and still take, very seriously. Oh, the one that I almost forgot was the old lingerie. Now many people will not understand this... but that old spirit of fornication was on that lingerie I do declare! Why would I hang on to some old gown anyway. I mean yes, it was beautiful and yes I even bought it. But it was what it represented at that time was the old me and It had to go. Who wants to wear beautiful silk lingerie all by yourself with no one to show it to and why would you keep it in a drawer for later? Your HUSBAND does not want to make love to you in some old get-up that you used a few years ago with God knows who!

I had to say goodbye to any friends who did not understand or agree with my new decision, especially if they tended to tempt me or lead me back to my old ways. No more condoms, birth-control pills, patches, rings, shots, home pregnancy tests, babies out-of-wedlock, abortions, STDs, co-habitating, false promises, or unnecessary confusion.

After I cleaned house, I asked God to cleanse me with His forgiveness. And I thanked him dearly for His mercy and grace that I had never gotten pregnant or caught a disease for all it takes is one false move. I began to cry profusely and right then was when I realized that my body was the Holy Temple and that I had truly violated His special creation called "me". I had been selfish and wanted only what pleased my flesh. Yet, He loved me still and even wiped away my tears. A calmness came over me and I began to ask that He might send me His divine direction and constant protection because I could not do this on my own strength. I asked Him to bind any sexual heat that would arise in me, and to keep me from even touching myself which might lead me right back to the hell where I started from. I asked Him to guard my mind, my thoughts, and to renounce any scheme of the enemy that would tempt me in this area or cause me to fall. I then asked if He would promise to release the heat once my future husband married me and that my future children would not fall into sexual sin like I had. That they may not be cursed for any of my wrongful deeds. I dedicated my body, my mind, and my soul to my Lord, that it might be used according to His will and not my own. I laid down my emotions, my desires, my thoughts, and my yearnings and asked that they be controlled by the Holy Spirit. All of a sudden, I felt a peace rush through me...a peace beyond even my own understanding. In that very moment, my new life had begun. I could not remember anything from my dark past. All of the memories were emptied out of my mind and all of the feelings of disrespect, dishonor and shame were washed from my body.I was finally free.

Concerned and Committed to the Harvest,

Cee Cee Michaela
Abstinence Advocate

Now looking back, I have been living a life of purity for many years. I am very happy and very fulfilled. I later realized, through God's Word, that when you have pre-marital sex, you spiritually marry every lover that you have had sex with. So I had never even walked down the wedding aisle and yet I already, according to the Word of God, had many husbands. A few boyfriends to me...but many husbands to God! When you have pre-marital or even adulterous sex, sexual spirits can enter and soul ties begin. Remember: sexual spirits can enter through the eyes, the ears, the mouth, your private parts and your mind. See, when you engage in pre-marital sex, both parties just became ONE FLESH and he or she is NOT even your husband or wife, as their was no wedding, no ring, no vows, no commitment and now... no in tact hymen! My hymen, which I later, found out was supposed to be kept safe for my husband!  Here I was thinking: oh he is my boyfriend...we are committed. What a trick of the enemy! No ring and no vows! Just a boy/young man who was a friend! When that relationship does not succeed, you go on to the next one and it is a viscious cycle. So many women look back and say, "hey, I have only had 2, 3, 5 boyfriends in my lifetime." Yes, or five random LOVERS!!  As when one leaves your life, another eventually comes along.  A girl who has a boyfriend  who is sexually active is probably doing it WAY MORE then the average girl. Chile... they say you live and learn, but there are just some lessons a girl ought to not have to go through! If I had only known, but I had a lack of knowledge. Remember, many girls do not lose their virginity... they give it away! No need in looking for it... it cannot be found. But God will give you a new life! It is called a second virginity, spiritual virginity or a life of Purity! Ask Him for it and you shall receive it!

Special Note:
When someone asks you to have sex before marriage (even your fiance!), this clearly displays that you and/or your fiance is impatient, anxious and/or curious...not a good thing! You have to be strong and it is best to show honor to God (by waiting to have sex on on your wedding night) so that your marriage will truly be blessed. Your fiance may be extremely spiritual, smart, kind and loving, but he or she should never ask if they can violate your Holy Temple! If your current boyfriend/girlfriend asks you to have sex before marriage, he or she does not love you, they lust you! 

Also:You may need to change your home phone and cell phone number all together to separate yourself and to stop getting those certain phone calls that lead to temptation. It only costs like $15 to change your number! And they can do it in 2 minutes!
Copyright 2002 by Cee Cee Michaela
All rights reserved

NOTE: I have been abstinent/a second chance virgin for nine years now! xoxo
Just got married to Mr. Wilbert L. Floyd! Feb 20, 2011

Back to Purity Page